Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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