i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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