Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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