I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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