I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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