I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
