Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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