Can Purell be used as lube?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
