can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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