It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
