Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
