We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
