Redeem this text for a blowjob
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
