You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
