this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
