I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just gargled with NyQuil
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
