1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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