New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
