i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
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I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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