toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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