I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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