oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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