I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
