You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
