Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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