So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just forgot I was standing up.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
