okay pat passed out under dana's car
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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