please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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