clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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