It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
