you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
