My balls are so social today.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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