I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
