He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
