honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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