it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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