I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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