i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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