So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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