You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
