I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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