Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
