Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize