I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
