mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
