i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
