I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize