guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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