Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
