I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
