So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
