i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
