What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
