mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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