I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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