my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and she was petting her beer can
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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