I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
