you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
